That kind of love.

Posts tagged ‘Poly’

85% rule

Meanwhile in Russia

Saying what you’re afraid to say works out really well. Put it out there. Say what you’re not clear about. The people who love you will support those feelings about 85% of the time exactly the way you’d hope they would. The other percentages of the time will hurt 85% less than you think it will. And isn’t 85% less pain worth 100% better communication.

Also, sometimes this ends up in divorce.

Then again, evolution doomed your monogamy to begin with.


The hard part is the risk

Risky Love

This Japanese woman attempted suicide after being jilted by the would be groom. Love is risky.

I’ve heard people say that if you’re not keenly aware of the risk, you are striving hard enough for your happiness. That’s one of the odd things about my path, living polyamorously. The closer I get to the path of living my life the way it ought to be lived, the more aware I am of the dangers. It’s not easy to be responsible. It’s even harder to trust your constellation mates. But you must do both things to make it work, to not fall off the path.

I want to be happy, and I want to minimize the risk.

Yet, I read things about what people regret, like this link about top five things people say they regret on their deathbeds, and it makes me a little proud of myself. I will not say anything like any of those things when my time comes because I really am being myself, and I am living my life to the absolute fullest.

It’s good to remember that when it gets hard, and the risks seem to loom like dark trees over this path, that the reason I’m walking it in the first place is because it is the path of practical love in my life.

Polyamory and Meaningful Platonic Relationships – by Littlemoon

  • This is a piece by Littlemoon, who will be an occasional guest contributor.

I’m not a practicing polyamorist, nor necessarily a monogamist at heart.

I’ve been familiar with polyamory for years, as an outsider looking in. My observances of poly in my early twenties left me with warnings of dramatic processing of emotions, promiscuity, and tons of hurt feelings. I decided on monogamy, though at that point, there really was no decision to be made… Monogamy was the acceptable way to create a family. And I wanted one.

I remember being awestruck in hearing of a triad, who were expecting a baby, and no one knew which male was the father. And they were perfectly blissful about it. This blew my small-town-fundmentalist-christian-raised mind out of the water. Nope, not for me.  Plus, in reality, it seemed like a lot of work to juggle more than one love.

Fifteen years later, a failing marriage, evolving into a mother and a woman, I found myself reconsidering polyamory. I read a few book, made a few poly friends and set about figuring out which side of the fence I wanted be on.

I’m still on that fence. What I do know is that poly has opened my eyes wide to the possibilities of meaningful relationships that I never allowed myself to enjoy before. I’ve always been the girl who wouldn’t dare get too close to another man, or even a bisexual female, for fear of ‘appearing’ to have ill intentions. Recently, though, poly has allowed me to break down the religious and societal barriers I possessed, to open myself to mature, loving, deeply emotional and wonderfully fulfilling relationships. All without climbing into bed with anyone.

Poly folk tend to be just fine with non-sexual connections. They seem to accept and respect whatever my deal is, whatever boundaries I need to have in place, whatever makes me feel comfortable. Poly is not just about sex. Poly, to me, is about the freedom to connect with anyone on whatever level feels right.  It’s about not having to define or label what someone is to me.  It’s about being open to sharing parts of myself with people who genuinely want to know and accept me.  It’s about honesty, which leads to a higher level of respect and compassion for each person I come in contact with.  Polyamory, for me, is the freedom to create something meaningful, whatever that may be.

One day, I may jump off this fence, and see what other parts poly has to offer.  But for now, I’m just going to sit back and relax and enjoy my new perspective on relationships and be open to whatever feels right.