- This is a piece by Littlemoon, who will be an occasional guest contributor.
I’m not a practicing polyamorist, nor necessarily a monogamist at heart.
I’ve been familiar with polyamory for years, as an outsider looking in. My observances of poly in my early twenties left me with warnings of dramatic processing of emotions, promiscuity, and tons of hurt feelings. I decided on monogamy, though at that point, there really was no decision to be made… Monogamy was the acceptable way to create a family. And I wanted one.
I remember being awestruck in hearing of a triad, who were expecting a baby, and no one knew which male was the father. And they were perfectly blissful about it. This blew my small-town-fundmentalist-christian-raised mind out of the water. Nope, not for me. Plus, in reality, it seemed like a lot of work to juggle more than one love.
Fifteen years later, a failing marriage, evolving into a mother and a woman, I found myself reconsidering polyamory. I read a few book, made a few poly friends and set about figuring out which side of the fence I wanted be on.
I’m still on that fence. What I do know is that poly has opened my eyes wide to the possibilities of meaningful relationships that I never allowed myself to enjoy before. I’ve always been the girl who wouldn’t dare get too close to another man, or even a bisexual female, for fear of ‘appearing’ to have ill intentions. Recently, though, poly has allowed me to break down the religious and societal barriers I possessed, to open myself to mature, loving, deeply emotional and wonderfully fulfilling relationships. All without climbing into bed with anyone.
Poly folk tend to be just fine with non-sexual connections. They seem to accept and respect whatever my deal is, whatever boundaries I need to have in place, whatever makes me feel comfortable. Poly is not just about sex. Poly, to me, is about the freedom to connect with anyone on whatever level feels right. It’s about not having to define or label what someone is to me. It’s about being open to sharing parts of myself with people who genuinely want to know and accept me. It’s about honesty, which leads to a higher level of respect and compassion for each person I come in contact with. Polyamory, for me, is the freedom to create something meaningful, whatever that may be.
One day, I may jump off this fence, and see what other parts poly has to offer. But for now, I’m just going to sit back and relax and enjoy my new perspective on relationships and be open to whatever feels right.